Don’t forget to buy tickets

This is a picture of Sam back when he lived in Minnesota.

Sam when he played for the Twins

Sam when he played for the Twins

Sam is writing this post right now. He writes in the third person, but unlike other assholes who write in the third person, he does not write in the “royal” third person. Sam’s third person is limited, because he doesn’t truly know himself.

Maybe he’s just scared to know himself. Maybe Sam is scared to love.

(re-read that sentence and then look at the picture above. It’ll really hit home just how scared Sam is to love).

No matter. Many of you texted Sam during the last show because you had forgotten to buy tickets and when you got to the show you realized it was sold old. Sam laughed and laughed because there was nothing else he could do. You should buy tickets in advance this time so that doesn’t happen again. It wasn’t the same without you at the show.

Well, Sam’s off to the batting cages!

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4 responses to “Don’t forget to buy tickets

  1. The New York air has done wonders for your flesh.

  2. Holy shit! That’s priceless!

  3. i’m shooting Matt Ryan from the Atlanta Falcons today for gilette and he said, “When Sammy was playin’ for the Twins, he was the best a man can get.” And then he smiled with his pearly whites and asked me to pull his finger.

  4. Dustin will leave comments about Sam’s flesh and well trimmed beard that are themselves limited. But not by narration.

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